I am very awkward for my age. I really enjoy volunteering, going to parks, drinking tea, and reading, but I haven't recently because I'm so afraid I'm going to run into someone I know. Everyone in my grade is so developed and mature, and I can never seem to keep up with them. I rarely know what they're talking about, and don't try to join in because I hate embarrassing myself, so I constantly spend my time observing other people rather than participating. I often find myself lost in deep thought, and have to look down toward my phone while doing so to look 'normal'? I find that I miss out on a lot because of how often I zone out, which makes people very annoyed with me. (Starting high school soon)


INFP just dropping in.... (not verified) says...

Hi there--I am an INFP who just came across your entry after accidently landing on this page. I noticed no one had responded, yet! I am actually a counselor by trade, but I am not offering you my thoughts as a counselor but as an older human being who has "been there". Life is tough sometimes, and people who are different help give us perspective and insight, right? :) A couple things: Growing up can be very tough and also feels very vulnerable, most of the time. So much of junior high and high school is about "fitting in" and "being accepted", and differences are not always welcome, for whatever reason. I am here to tell you that the only thing that matters in life--besides being a kind and compassionate person--is being true to who you really are! Even the awkward, unsure parts of who you--and many others--are. Maybe there will be times where no one will understand that...but if you can learn to truly appreciate what makes you different, something magical happens: People will get to know the "real you", and at least some of those people will really like who you are!  Kids often compare and contrast themselves with others and so a lot of people your age spend a great deal of time and effort worrying how and what others will or do think about who they are and any behavior or thought that is different. They worry they will be rejected or made fun of, for being different. Sadly, this does occasionally happen. But foljs who are mean are just.....lost. Worrying about what others think of us is normal, but a waste of time in a way, because you are you and who you are does not in any way need to be like anyone else. You have a purpose on this earth, and this is the time where you get to figure out what talents you have and what you love and are interested in, so you can improve our world, while learning and contributing to it! You mentioned you volunteer(!) which is life-changing on so many levels (I still volunteer multiple places, as an adult!)....I would just encourage you to take pride in wanting to help and doing something about it...even if no one else in your peer group cares about such things. We all feel socially awkward and like we stick out, from time to time--even as adults--but in reality, no one is probably paying attention to all that. You will get better socially, with time. If you like having alone time and not going out with friends, sometimes, that sounds healthy to me! I do think there is value in doing things socially with friends, sometimes, so we can build friendships with others, get to know people different from ourselves, and get out of our own comfort zone from time to time. So balance and making time to do both is probably important as you grow older! You sound like a perfectly normal, sensitive person! The experiences you are having now will help form who you are, as an adult. I think it's amazing that you are already thinking of helping other people at your age! Best of luck on your exciting journey! :)

Heaven (not verified) says...

Hi there! I completely understand everything you just said. I graduated college in May and that was pretty much my whole college experience. I was either in my own world and didnt care to interact with classmates, or I was too scared to join conversations. In some cases I tried to interact with other people, got super exhausted by all the socializing and reverted back into my shell shortly after. Its definiely hard making friends as an INFJ (for me at least) because I have so many expecations of what other people should bring to a friendship, as well as sometimes just lacking the desire to interact with anyone. I constantly get asked "Why are you being so awkward" *eye roll*  too, so thats fun -___-


I said ALL this to let you know that you aren't alone in this! And that things WILL get better for you! I still space out, and people find it weird sometimes, but I've also found people that can roll with me and all my quirks. I hope this encourages you some! 


vanessaher (not verified) says...

i was long like that ( is that even english :) ), but years later, i understand a lot ( more ) and often feel the opposite to how i felt ( although there are still always people where i think i don´t understand them, that they are advanced, but it really is only about not being versed in the things they are interested in ).

you´ll find your people. and grow into your self.

Deborah Walker says...

I am also like that, but started working on myself. Now changed a lot from comparatively.

Stu (not verified) says...

I discovered I was an INFJ 12 years ago when I was 40. Until I found out such an important characteristic of myself, being an INFJ, I was sure I had a mental disorder. I too in school & college had a lonely social life...I recall my first year of college I only talked to 3 people...meaning, brief conversations in the hall..., yes only 3 people, although I observed EVERYTHING and EVERYONE! Eventually I started assimilating others, trying to fit in--super awkward period. 

Fast forward to age 40: I had an important job, but was bored out of my mind. When I discovered that I am an INFJ, I was very relieved...and excited because I felt like I was given permission to be me! 

Within a month I convinced everyone in the office to take a personality test and I emailed the office a breakdown of our team's personalities along with helpful web links. To my delight the team became a little tighter, had more fun together, and I also found my fellow INFJs to consult with about our unique traights. 

It's been 12 years and now, I've quit working for unhappy managers, and two jobs later I'm a department director. Needless to say, I surprised myself by growing professionally as quickly as I did.  Increasing my self awareness was part of my professional advancement. 

If you're looking for advice as an INFJ, I'd say increasing your understanding of yourself is important, but embracing who you are is the next step. Don't be afraid to break new barriers...barriers are created by those who believe in them...I don't anymore. Be ready for a little ridicule from small minded people and remember you're now serving for the greater good of many. Enjoy the adventure!

erinn says...

I shared the same experiences as an INFJ/ISFJ. I loved being alone because there was no threat of being embarrassed, yet I didn't want to appear as a loner on the outside. I kinda hate how the first years of hs I never gained any true friends. It wasn't until my later high school years that I started having more friends and feeling more in tune with myself and others. Things will get much better and don't worry about not having tons of friends!!!!!! Don't feel too overwhelmed to take risks though!

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