I'm a 59 male who just found out that I'm INFJ... One of only 1% of the population, and I am wondering if that might be part of the reason I've had so much difficulty finding a REALLY compatible partner. My marriage of 20 years just ended, and was really an excercise in futilty for a long time. We just could not connect on much of what I thought was important. This, disheartingly, is a repeating pattern for me in most, if not all of my adult relationships. 

However, reading on this forum gives me a spark of hope that I have just not met the right person, based on my rare type. I can definitely see myself in a lot of you other INFJ's!

Eventually (not yet), I will want to start dating again, and I wonder if any of you fellow INFJ's (especially those my age) have had any success finding compatibility on a dating site that takes your Myers Briggs type into consideration?

Comments

April Edwards (not verified) says...

I'm a 51 year old female who would love a companion to enjoy life with.  I recently found out that I'm an INFJ...which explains a lot!!  A rare type indeed!  I suppose that might explain why I've never really felt "at home" and comfortable in my relationships thus far.  What a breath of fresh air to realize that I am a rare personality type, and there is nothing inherently wrong with me.  I'm very hopeful.

Wayne Davies (not verified) says...

April, thanks for responding! I too am very hopeful. A very quick google search indicates that you and I should look for either an ENTP or an ENFP as our ideal match. Some sort of yin/yang thing between we introverts and those extroverts, I suppose. (I admit not actually reading the articles yet... my bad)

I guess I'm still hoping somebody can point me to a dating website where we could say "I'm an INFJ, looking for either an ENTP or an ENFP in my area" Wouldn't that be a cool starting point?

I also admit to never, ever having been any dating website, as I got married before they came in to being. So perhaps that sort of query is common. I don't know. Any input would be most welcome.

As for you in particular April, please drop me a line here from time to time to let me know how you are doing in your search. (A story of how you coerced a potential date into taking the personality test, would be most interesting!)

Very best of luck,

Wayne

Heidi says...

Wayne and April, hello!!

I am trying online dating for the very first time. I relate to your story, Wayne, of staying longer than advisable in a relationship. I advise you to take time to learn and know yourself better - to heal - before trying to date. You will know when the time comes, I think. Supposedly the questionnaires provided on sites addresses personality types. I mentioned my INFJ type in my profile, but have not had success finding a good match. I think perhaps my INFJ intensity scares people, but I also think it's what will appeal to the right person. I have to leave it, and trust.

Not many people struggle with the uniqueness of personality because they naturally run in to like-minded people in their daily lives. Therefore MBTI isn't something the general population sees as relevant? They bounce ideas and perceptions off those they meet and don't have the "no one gets me" experience I have had all my life. 

I totally agree, it would be phenomenal to find a dating site that matches more specifically by type. However, unless you're a classic case (as I am) and fairly well self-aware, type has limited benefit.

Heidi (53, western PA :) )

Sylverine (not verified) says...

Here's my best dating advice: do whatever you love doing. If you find someone you like while doing what you love doing, great! There is potential you will be compatible.

If you don't find somebody you like, you will have done something YOU like, so great!

 

After so many years being married, you might want to reconnect with yourself. Often in relationships we tend to mold ourselves and hobbies to the person we are with, and even though we may not necessarily feel miserable, we may be missing out on some activities we have passed on for the sake of the relationship.

 

As far as dating sites... I have no experience, but I am sure that line is probably used by a lot of people (I am an XYZ, looking for ...).

As far as being 50+, I also don't have experience.

 

I strongly recommend you two to connect outside of this forum, not necessarily to become partners (though if it happens it happens), but to share on successes and failures, and pump each other up!

Amanda Hudson (not verified) says...

I can tell you that I've had great success using a dating site to find a partner. The site I used did not use your Myers Briggs type, but it did have you answer questions to analyze your compatibility with a potential partner. Just one week after joining, I met an awesome guy and now, four years later, we are husband and wife!

Jessica P (not verified) says...

I am dating an INTJ and it seems to be working out very well. Their logic and groundedness help balance my emotions while our curious inclination to learn and absorb the world (in our own unique ways) help us connect and bond with each other. Don't give up hope - it will just take a bit longer to find that connection!

NatalieR (not verified) says...

I was just searching to see if there was a dating site based on Myers Briggs and came across this forum. I am 53 and an ENFP. I too am not quite ready to date but am hopeful to eventually find someone I can share adventures with. 

brandy (not verified) says...

Projectevolove.com is a site that is based on Myers Briggs, even let's you search for a specific type in your area. 

DanENTP_dude (not verified) says...

I'm a 61 yr old male ENTP and been using dating sites for 18 months. Actually found out about MBTI reading profiles.

OKCupid has questions component but isn't specific to MBTI. Some people put their type in their profile and OKC has a search feature but it doesn't really work very well. But the questions do get you into a ballpark. People who would dig an INFJ are very likely to have a high percentage match to you and they'er the type of person who would answer many questions. But OKC like all dating sites make the search very difficult. Dating sites are almost totally picture based. I look for INFP, INFJ, INTP and am pretty good at finding them just by pictures. They take the worst pics which I think is great. The model posed pics can be skipped.

Match.com does questions too, same poor result.

Evolve uses MBTI and as a result very few people.

In my experience using types to find someone isn't too bright. I did it for a couple months and it was a mess. Found a few ENTP women, profiles were so like me and BAM, instant zero connection. Like in the first message I was done. The ENFJ/P were super fun and we sure connected, talked for hours, but they also attract many men. So in the initial conversation they're telling me about this guy she still lives with, this married guy she's seeing. Great conversation, lots of laughter, but gee, not really what I'm looking for these days. I like the INxx types, deep conversation right off. So I do think there's something to E-I connections. But could be just me.

But, just because a type is said to be smart and able to go deep doesn't mean a specfic person will be able to go as deep as you would like, or you as deep as they would like. Plus they still can have drug, drinking and other issues just like anyone else.

Just going by type I think is too limiting. Yeah, you sure could get lucky. But chances are if you're looking for say an ENFP female you're going to be missing 90% of them who don't know or care they're ENFP. I suggest reading profiles. And don't forget MBTI is about how people work in their kind of default mode. As we get older we should be more well rounded, understand our strengths and weaknesses and have ways of dealing with these.

Heidi says...

DanENTP_dude, thanks for sharing. I’m an INFJ and quit all sites earlier than my subscriptions expired. Experienced a lot of catfishing, which is a huge turn-off and makes me crazy. Thankful to have located a guy I suspect is ENTP or ENFP. Time will tell, but it’s borderline exhilarating and terrifying. LOL Good luck in your quest!

Jess.ENFJ (not verified) says...

I wish there was a better site for online dating with MBTI categories. I am 38 and having a difficult time finding people with intelligence and depth. Good luck!

Cate (not verified) says...

I'm also an INFJ and although I've had several long-term relationships and been engaged a few times, I've never really found the right person. That is until I met an ENTP - and now I couldn't be happier! I found dating sites a waste of time. I found the best way to meet people is to take evening classes. I've learned a whole set of new skills, met some really interesting people and made some lovely friends. You also get to know people over a number of weeks without any pressure for romantic involvement. Good luck in your search. I hope you find someone.

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