I am a highly intelligent 21 year old male INTJ and have started to wish sometimes that I was hit on the head with a rock when I was younger.

 I am often highly misunderstood and have begun building an exterior conformist image because people just don't get me. I excel at my work but am excluded from the team. I have some solid friends spread over the country but now that I am older and have moved for employment I seem to never meet new people that relate to me and my perspective. I usually enjoy time on my own but have been experiencing stage 1 hypertension and am very stressed and anxious, partly due to being an INTJ. I am proud that I am not a sheep but I see a long, hard lonely road ahead to achieve my goals. I find it hard to ignore the big picture of where our species is heading and am very synical about how little mankind has progressed from being animals. I feel like everyone is so pretentious and shallow and live inside their little bubble. I know the important things are looking after my family and friends and securing myself for my generations bleak future but where are the people I read about in history that dedicated there lives to human knowledge, wisdom and progression. We are returning to pre WW2 global political and social climate. I may be egotistical at times but when I am on my death bed what will matter to me is what I did in my life that will effect humanity and the people I care about positively after I die. 

My question is where and how will I find other people with a similar attitude? Do other INTJ's feel like I do or am I even more unique then a rare Jungian personality type? I would like to be a part of something bigger and greater and share my passion for the big picture with those that feel the same way as I do. 




Black panther (not verified) says...

Hey fellow INTJ,

You most certainly aren't alone with those thoughts, i have them on a daily basis. Ive always felt this way, especially when it comes to politics, war, climate, and social issues. Its why i decided to dedicate my lifes work towards at least attempting to make a difference. Im 20 amd currently a law student going into humanitarian/human rights law.

Ive yet to meet another INTJ, though my best friend is an entj who is scarily similar... though i found the trick is to learn from different minded people, if you only speak to the same people, you wont gain much besides confirmation of your thoughts, though thats still important for mental health, it staves off the feeling of isolation. If that fails, have a wealth of intjs on the internet

Chris- (not verified) says...

Just for kicks, I will offer some insight from the perspective of a fellow INTJ that has 20 additional years of experiencing what society has to offer.

Relationships are - incredibly - difficult. I find the 'I will fix you' stereotype to be a fitting (and maddening) curse. Most people either have no comprehension of how broken they truly are, or those same dysfunctions are their identity - and they can't survive without the self-imposed drama they continually create for themselves.

The second I figure out that I am a helpless hamster on a relationship wheel.. That door closes. Forever. 

Odd conundrum. I have been repeatedly broken by my inability to fix people who have zero interest in being whole.

Happily-ever-after is a spoon-fed media myth that keeps consumers blindly consuming? No.

Thankfully, there are many other means available for INTJ types to find that critical sense of purpose that drives, stimulates, and motivates them. 

I compensate for lack of relationships with employment, hobbies, and continuing education. Thinking. Doing. Learning. We are the best at that. Uncontested.

People, though, are mind boggling to me. For the sake of my own sanity, I admitted defeat and put my energy towards building physical things rather than trying to solve invisible rubix cubes of emotions. 

As a very pronounced INTJ, I accept that in that particular aspect of life, I am handcuffed to an anchor, blindfolded, gagged, and standing on an iceberg in a huge pot of boiling water... But, there is hope!

By focusing on just being yourself, doing the things that give you a sense of pride and accomplishment, being dedicated, focused and thorough.. well, like a moth to a flame, some people are deeply attracted to that heightened aura of intelligence and self-confidence.

Those are the special ones that will be happy to share an iceberg with you. You likely won't notice them in the crowd until they approach you. It's awkward. It's almost scary. But, wow.. the beginning of a real relationship is fascinating. The give and take. The test of challenging their intent. The degree of scrutiny our personality dissects them with. Once a mental connection is made, we give our entire soul to whatever we believe in. 

In personal relationships, nobody flies higher or crashes harder that an INTJ. The more mentally invested they become, the more emotionally trapped they realize themselves to be when things dont go as planned. 

And, until we can learn to express our emotions rationally, that is the typical cycle that plagues this maddening personality. 

If I had to offer any advice, I would say.. focus on following through with the objective of building a solid foundation for you to build a career on (that you can share when the opportunity evolves). 

Chasing relationships is a strength in the realm of extraverted feelers.. we don't know how to do that stuff until it comes to us in the form of a riddle to solve.

Live and learn. Apply that stubborn workaholic nature towards subtly nudging the percentages away from the extremes of the personality traits that intrinsically make us nearly impossible to comprehend. The same traits that make everybody else so frustratingly exhausting to deal with. Be crafty. Build a bridge. 

This personality is notorious for destroying brilliant minds by isolating ISTJ from their potential to accomplish amazing things that good would ultimately benefit the greater good.

Mathilde (not verified) says...


I am 30, single,black, female, Intj, conservative-moderate in politics, believer: what a bad combo to be in this world. I'm still alive and will be for a long time. I relate to everything you say. In my concern, when I'm not spending time in my mind, I spend a lot of time in the library (I love knowledge). I will be a professional accountant soon, but I love knowing and learning so much that I am considering doing a degree in economics. I dream on becoming among the many Marie Curie of the 21 St century, by using my potential to the benefits of humanity. 

This is the direct answer of your question: you might meet people like you at school or a learning center. My friends told me that people in the working world tend to work not out of passion, but to pay bills and care for their families, which is a legitimate reason. However, I realized that most academics are passionate people, that's why I love them. I also suggest you to join or make a club in the area you live in. The club could be on a subject you love. You might not find people exactly like you, but it's better than nothing. Moreover, be friends with older people. Don't waste your time with youngsters: they will only make you feel bad about the way you are. 


One advice: I beg you not to conform. We are amazing creatures who see the world differently than other people and the world needs people like us. I'm learning how to operate in this world full of non Intj who make me feel that there is wrong with me. 

The road is lonely, and as you age, your social life won't get any better. However, you should have a different perspective about it. Loneliness is not a bad thing for us, it might be for other people though. I strongly suggest you to keep learning more about yourself and feel good in your own skin. Regarding anxiety, I have the same issues because I ask myself too many why in my head: you just have to find an activity that makes you relax. 


Hope this comment helped you feel better about yourself :)

Salem (not verified) says...

Realize that the world is bigger than you may think, people are more diverse than you think, and your perception is far more limited than you think. (Try using your ‘N’ more.)

Regarding your cynicism about “how little mankind has progressed from being animals,” I would urge you to reexamine that. Consider what mankind has done and how we’ve changed for the positive over the past fifty, one hundred, or one thousand years. And I would debate your claim that we are “returning to pre WW2 global political and social climate,” but that’s a topic for another day…

You may be “highly intelligent”, but there is a huge difference between intelligence and wisdom. Wisdom comes with experience, an open mind, and understanding how things fit together. Don’t let your ego get in the way of achieving wisdom.

By focusing on yourself and how you interact with others who may or may not be INTJs, you are missing a huge piece of understanding people and the world. The world is a whole lot bigger than you presently realize. (And, it’s really not that bad.)

KZ (not verified) says...

I must say that I agree with Salem. There is no direct correlation between intelligence and wisdom, but thats ok because you can expand that if you learn to develop more openness to participating in the world around you instead of always analyzing and criticizing it(Experience Is The Best Teacher). Of course you'll have to be careful of who and what you interact with but being an INTJ I think we are pretty well equipped to deal with that, at least mentally. If we can just get over our paralysis of the analysis and get out there and do things, experiment, get alittle messy and not be afraid to fail. Take calculated risks. Now I say these things from my personal experience because there was a time in my life when I thought in a way simliar to you and I don't believe it to be helpful or even healthy. The world is a lot more positive than you might think, and there are great strides being made in the way of humanitarian work to make this a better place. And if you look at statistics people are living longer then they ever have before, poverty on a world-wide scale is lower than its ever been etc. And as you've pointed out, we also have many issues in our current Geo-political environment at the moment. The world does have its fair share of troubles.

But I've learned that if you look for the bad in the world, you will find it. If you look for the good, you will also find it as well. But here's the clincker, focusing on one or the other too rigidly tends to blind you because your focus is too Narrow, limited and judgemental. I've been on both sides of that spectrum and can explain away the pitfalls of falling into one "ideaology" or the other but this has lead me to be more of a "wholistic" or bigger picture type of thinker. So this has lead me into study of Astrology, Jungian Archetypes and Egyptian Symbology etc. I would also highly recommend listening to Jordan B. Peterson, a clinical psychologist who has extensively studied the Atrocities commited during WW2 and beyond. And I can tell you at least from personal experience that this has helped me a great deal to have a better grasp of what is going on in the world during these strange times.

And when I say astrology I mean the real one that includes your birth time for a full Natal chart and all of the aspects etc., the same astrology that Carl Jung was studying, not the fake pop Astrology that tries to give you a full personality analysis based off of your Sun Sign alone. Went on a bit of a tangent there, thats for another discussion.

And presently my task is to apply what I have learned about the world, the good and the bad, to make it a better place while simultaneously looking after my own best self interest(myself and my family). No small feat, but we INTJ's have the potential for it.

So, getting back to your questions. I guess the big take away from all of this is to not think that you can predict the future no matter how many facts, data, statistics or knowledge you have access to. There will always be unforseen events that will make things work differently then the way you expected for one. And this is where the development of Wisdom through experience is important. As far as finding people of a similiar attitude, understand that we are a rare personality type so this won't be so easy but its definitely not impossible. Often times I have found like minds or at least similiar minds just doing the things that I love and am passionate about. Another way to approach it is to try to find the value in people of all personality types. Even if you don't meet mind to mind with most people, human beings as a whole have a lot to offer and the differences we have is what keeps the world spinning in a sense. Balance your perspective a bit, balance in general will make you feel more wholesome.

ROME (not verified) says...

Hello to all,,,, concerning the topic about friends. I am in my mid 40's (male) and I have found to merge my friends into my "likes". When a person is looking for "a thing" he must start the journey by his interest (what makes him/her tick). I have learned to make friends by their knowledge of human behavior, experiences of life, failures, etc... Finding friends is a study such like any other study. I have friends that are 87, 84, 66, 62 all the way down to my age. But each has a mentor quality around me and I am okay with learning from our talks at the same time as being friends.. Hope that helps... But remember you are never alone. The INTJ's like their quite time... The comment about humans are on a train wreck. INTJ's have a tendency to call out the bad with looking at the good at the same time. Logic must be reality (all the bad) and not excepting logic is foolish or naive sometimes, huh? But, go back and look at how amazing humans are when on the right track and not all fractioned up about certain "platforms". We (human race) must stay open minded and also remembering to except there is nothing new under the sun!! What happens today will happen again..... Good luck.... 

Share your thoughts

Truity up to date