“I need your help,” she said over the phone, “What should I do?”
My hesitation is staged, as is the question I ask her in return, “What do you think you want to do?”
I’m a Thinker/Judger with a healthy dose of Sensing thrown on top. My girlfriend is doing something I almost never do: ask someone for help with a decision I have to make.
Women who identify with the INTJ personality type are typically independent, confident and happy alone. They are goal-oriented and are constantly working on personal and professional projects. But in a group, they tend to navigate the territory differently from other women.
With Perceivers described as indecisive, freewheeling, impulsive types and Judgers described as focused, organized and dependable, you'd think that Judgers had it made. After all, the Judging side of the fence is where the lawyers, executives and Marie Kondo hang out, all pushing the "Inbox Zero" movement and telling us that radical organization is life-changing in its ability to increase productivity and lower stress.
The dirty little secret? It's actually a bit rubbish being a Judger. Here's why.
Almost every personality typing website out there likes to list science-related careers as a good fit for ENTPs and INTPs. We are said to have an inherent aptitude for and interest in scientific fields. The INTP type has been nicknamed the “Scientist,” “Engineer” or “Architect”, while ENTPs have been dubbed the “Inventor,” “Visionary” or the “Mad Scientist”.
Many of the ideals of achieving success in the business world are based on extraverted tendencies. The outgoing, sometimes brash individual that knows everyone and is constantly on-the-go is admired almost to the point of worship. Pursuing this extraverted ideal, however, can be exhausting for Introverts.
My husband and I were married in 1988. While you do the math, I want to mention in passing that we had not taken any personality tests at the time, so we were blissfully unaware that we were both TJs. The fact that he had firmly decided against getting married before we were both twenty years old should have raised a flag, but at the time it seemed like common sense.
What superpower would you choose to help manage your health? I imagine some people might choose the power to instantly gain or lose weight or to turn their favorite junk food into healthy food. Or maybe you would like to stop time to get some extra sleep. For most Introverts, having time to themselves to process their thoughts and enjoy their inner world is not only a powerful way to re-energize, but it is essential in managing their overall health.
But what happens when you don’t get the time you need to feel your best?
Thinking is the function based on how you make decisions, found in the four-function stacking of your 16-personality type. It comes in two distinct flavors: Introverted Thinking (Ti) and Extraverted Thinking (Te).
Fake it 'til you make it. Act as if you are exuberant and outgoing. Get out there and network. Open a sales conversation, give public speeches, make a big new circle of friends. Greet everyone with engaging small talk and give a firm handshake. Paste on a grin and don’t ever let on that inside, you’ve got panic-levels of anxiety and your heart has just dropped to the floor.
Why?
ENFJs: We’re devoted, loving, hard-working and loyal to a fault. What’s not to love, right? Well, for this ENFJ, love has been… a battlefield. Like many of my fellow Teacher personality types, I tend to fall into the category of “serial monogamy.” I find myself in one relationship after the next, pushing for something lasting—even when the relationship has clear problems.
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